Friday, September 12, 2008

Remembering My Mother

On September 12, 1997 my mother died - just a few weeks shy of her 69th birthday. The last time I'd spoken with her before she left this earth was on my 39th birthday, and sad to say, it was not a great chat; typical of our conversations.
To say we had a "strained" relationship is pretty accurate; it was the same way with her and all my other sisters as well. She just didn't know how to nurture her children, and I'm sorry that she missed out on the opportunity to have really good, loving relationships with the four daughters the Good Lord blessed her with.
There were so many unresolved issues with her and I, and I wish we had of worked them out before her death, as it made having closure even harder. There were things I'd not forgiven her for that haunted me for several years afterward.
Growing up in a household in which the mother was great at things like cooking, sewing and cleaning, had it's benefits, but I really wish she had been more of a "Mom". I craved a relationship with her that I saw my friends have with their moms, but my mother was bitter towards my daddy, and that affected all her other relationships - especially with me, as I was a daddy's girl from the start.
I have since her death, forgiven my mother for not protecting me, and allowing certain things to happen to me that shouldn't have happened. I have learned from her how NOT to treat children, and for that I am grateful. My heart's desire when I had Sarah and Dude was to be the Mom to them that I never had - to listen to them, to protect them, to have the kind of trust that enabled them to come to me with any and everything.
My advice for anyone - make sure you forgive quickly, do all that you can to make the most of your relationships and tell the ones you love that you love them - don't take it for granted that they know.
I know that my mother was a Christian, and that she just had things that she didn't know how to deal with. I know that I'll see her when I get to Heaven. All the past hurts that we had here on earth will be gone, and at last I'll be able to have the best relationship with her - one in a place where there is no hurt, no crying, no sorrow, and no pain.
Have a safe weekend - pray for our leaders, our soldiers who are protecting our freedoms here in the USA, and for those who are in the path of Hurricane Ike.


1 comment:

Country*Road*Primitives said...

Janelle, I am *sending you big hugs*... xox